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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Communication

April 26, 2023 Feeling Stuck? Here’s how to make that big decision

Photo by Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash

Have you ever found yourself at a turning point when you’ve had to make a decision? Maybe that decision was major (switching career paths, moving to a new city) or maybe it was less major but still important (deciding who to invite to a gathering, considering whether to take on a project). Whatever the case, making decisions can be difficult.

When it comes time to choose, we might freeze up and not know which way to turn. Sometimes we end up sticking firmly within our comfort zone, because we’re too nervous to take the plunge and commit to a new course of action.

To get out of a decision-making rut, try tapping into one or more different proven methods to make the best choice possible. Here are five techniques to try:

Map Out Possibilities

When you feel overwhelmed by choice, it can be helpful to create a visual representation of all your options. Mind maps are a great tool for this, as they allow you to see the paths before you in an organized and comprehensive manner. A pros and cons list is another useful tool for sorting out your thoughts and getting an organized view of your options.

Learn how to create an effective mind map by taking look at my past blog post on the topic.

Ask “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”

When you plan for the worst-case scenario, you can worry less about making a mistake and start to realize that most of the time the consequences of a poor decision are not as dire as you might fear. Ask yourself, “What is the absolute worst outcome?”, and you will be more likely to act with confidence and a clear mind. Additionally, you’ll be better able to prepare for future “What ifs” if you consider possible adverse outcomes.

I’ve written more about this concept in my “How Bad Could It Be?” blog post.

Use the “Best Friend Test”

Before making an important decision, ask yourself, “What would I tell my best friend to do in this scenario?” This is a test author Daniel Pink recommends in a short, informative video. He says that asking this question is effective because it changes the perspective of the scenario. You certainly wouldn’t want to lead your best friend astray, so the advice you give to them should apply to yourself as well.

Journal About It

Writing is a process of self-discovery, and writing about your decision-making process can offer valuable insight into what you truly want. Keep a running log of your thoughts, feelings, and ideas about the issue at hand and explore different angles.

Get Support

When facing a difficult decision, sometimes it helps to turn to a few trusted advisors for input. Ask one or two people you trust for advice, but be careful not to get “advice overload” where you ask too many people about a topic. As with all advice, take these suggestions with a grain of salt.

Making a decision can be hard, but by tapping into different methods and taking a mindful approach, it’s possible to make the best choice. Taking the time to use these techniques can help you gain clarity and make the best choice for yourself.

Good luck and happy decision making!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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April 5, 2023 Do You Overuse “I’m Sorry”?

As young children, most of us were taught good manners. Say please and thank you. Ask for permission. If you mess up or hurt someone, say, “I’m sorry.” While these lessons can be very helpful, sometimes they carry over into adulthood a little too strongly. Specifically, many of us end up apologizing for things that do not require an apology.

What do I mean?

Let’s say you’re in a meeting and someone presents incorrect data. You’re very familiar with the data that should have been presented, so you decide to speak up. Your inclination might be to say something like, “Sorry, but I have to weigh in here…” or “Sorry, but those numbers aren’t quite right…”

Who are you apologizing to? And why?

In truth, there’s no need to be sorry. You’re helping out the team by providing the correct data. The word “Sorry” makes it sound like you did something wrong or hurtful, when that isn’t the case. Instead, you might rephrase your statement to, “I’d like to provide some additional information…” or “If I may, I’d like to offer a different perspective…”

You also don’t need to apologize for technical difficulties, asking someone for clarification, or missing work due to an illness (or a child’s illness). Instead of saying, “Sorry, my microphone wasn’t working,” say, “Thank you for your patience while I dealt with tech issues.” Instead of saying, “Sorry I can’t come in today,” say, “I appreciate your flexibility.”

Why Do We Over Apologize?

There are a few different reasons why we might find ourselves overusing the word “Sorry.” We might be apologizing out of politeness or because we don’t want to impose on other people. We may not be sure of ourselves and feel like we need to back our statements up with an apology.

In some cases, apologizing too much can actually weaken our arguments. It gives off the perception that we are unsure of our statements, even if that’s not the case. It also takes away from our confidence and makes us come off as less assertive.

Women are especially guilty of “over apologizing.” A study by the University of Waterloo in Canada shows that women apologize much more frequently than men. The reason, they say, is because men “have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior.” Women, take note! Speaking up during a meeting probably isn’t offensive. Having a different opinion, or showing up a few minutes late, or sneezing during a meeting isn’t offensive.

Taking Back Your Power

If you feel that you overuse “I’m sorry” in situations that don’t require an apology, take a step back and analyze your speech patterns. Pay attention to how often you use the word and if you’re using it when it’s unnecessary.

From there, try to change your language. Instead of apologizing, opt for phrases like “Thanks for understanding” or “I appreciate it.” You’ll sound more confident and in control of the discussion. Plus, it won’t take away your power or make it look like you’re trying to diminish your authority.

It is important to understand when an apology is necessary, and when it is not. Being aware of our language and speech patterns can help us realize if we are overusing the phrase “I’m sorry.” Changing our language to sound more confident and in control can be a powerful tool for assertiveness, and re-phrasing our statements with phrases can help us take back the power in those situations. Practicing these techniques can help make sure we know when an apology is truly necessary.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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March 29, 2023 Break the rules! (By following them first)

A version of this article was first published on August 28, 2019.

Photo by shawnanggg on Unsplash

“If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive.”

Dale Carnegie

I get it. You’re excited about your new position or role, and you want to get in there and shake things up! You see systems that are outdated, processes that don’t make sense, and a million opportunities to improve the current system and make positive change. And that’s great, except…

You may want to pump the brakes.

Why, you ask? Because even though you’re enthusiastic, motivated, and your heart is in the right place, others may not see it that way. Before you start demanding change, you have to prove your mettle. Demonstrate that you can thrive within the system before you go about trying to change it. Show that you have a deep understanding of your company and your role before you bring forward ideas for improving things. Easing into change is as good idea for three reasons:

ONE: It gives you a chance to build your credibility.

People will see that you’re dedicated to your job, perform well, and work well with others. Do your best work, do it on time, and show that you are a trusted partner (instead of combative and subversive).

TWO: It helps you build an alliance.

It’s difficult to make change on your own, and nearly impossible if you don’t have others’ support. As you start thinking about ways to amend the status quo, be sure to make friends, ask for advice, and gather others’ thoughts and opinions. Not only will you be more likely to rally support behind your cause, you will also gain others’ perspectives on the issue, which will help strengthen your plan of action.

THREE: It gives you time to learn about the status quo, what works, and what doesn’t.

While it’s tempting to barge in and overhaul an entire system that seems to be flawed, it’s a good idea to pause and study the system you’re attempting to fix. Are parts actually working? Are certain things going well for certain people? Will there be resistance to change? If so, why? Taking the time to study the current mode of operations will help you understand the greatest flaws and greatest assets of the system, and what should be fixed first. Your thoughtful approach will also demonstrate respect to those who have been working within the current system for years, and have not (for whatever reason) acted to improve it. Change can be a touchy thing, and you certainly don’t want to imply that everyone has been doing things wrong, and you’re the one with all the answers.

In short, don’t kick over the beehive when you begin a new role. Ease into it, learn how things are done, and start gathering information about what works and what doesn’t. Then, test the waters by floating ideas past others. Build your alliance, and then take action. With this methodical approach, you’re bound to gather some honey, rather than a few angry stings!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

HER NEW EBOOK IS CALLED A QUICK GUIDE TO COURAGE.

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