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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach

March 12, 2025 How to Build Your Resilience (4 Ways)

Photo by Jef Willemyns on Unsplash

I’ve talked to many people lately who are feeling anxious, exhausted, or full of trepidation. They are like those old No. 2 pencils that have been used down to the nub. They are so worn down, they feel as if they have nothing left to give. If this is you, then I’m sure you can relate to how hopeless and fatigued you feel when you’re in this state.

Many different aspects of life can make us feel this way. We might be experiencing problems within our families, with friends, or with co-workers. Our issues might be related to finances, or maybe they’re linked to a lack of time and being stretched too thin. Our exhaustion and hopelessness may also be related to the world around us—the troubles facing our nation or the “doom and gloom” we pick up from the news or from social media. All of these factors can have a compounding effect, like rocks piled on top of our shoulders. You might not notice one or two rocks, but as troubles and annoyances pile up, the burden gets heavier and harder to bear.

With so much weight on our backs, how to we keep going? And how can we remove some of those “rocks”? One answer is to build resilience.

Building resilience does not usually happen overnight or all at once. Rather, it is a process that should be nurtured over time. Additionally, we do not have to build resilience on our own. In fact, it is a great idea to lean on your community for support. With that in mind, let’s talk about five ways to build your resilience, so you can weather life’s storms.

Step Away

Being resilient does not necessarily mean you have to fight your way through adverse situations. Rather, it can be beneficial if you take some time to distance yourself from your troubles and reflect. This could mean stepping away from your work laptop, excusing yourself from a stressful situation, or logging off and finding a quiet place to think. Physically moving yourself from one room to another can be helpful and can give you a fresh perspective.

When you step away, I encourage you to consider what is causing your stress or anxiety. What is the source? Is there anything you can do to remove or reduce this source? Can you make any changes in the immediate future that will alleviate some of your pressure or give you a break? Stepping away can give you much-needed distance to mull over solutions.

Take Meaningful Breaks

Sometimes we can be resilient through pure willpower and grit but, to me, that is not a long-term solution. When you’re worn thin, you need some time to recuperate, relax, and reenergize. You won’t be at your best if you are completely exhausted, so why not take a break and give yourself a little TLC? Keep in mind, some breaks are better than others. If you take your work laptop with you on a weekend getaway, or if you’re constantly doomscrolling during a vacation, are you really helping your wellbeing? I encourage you to unplug, distance yourself from your stressors, and take a meaningful break.

Log Off

Today, it is far too easy to get sucked into the barrage of “doom and gloom” posts and videos on social media and clickbait “news.” I’m not suggesting you bury your head in the sand and ignore the world around you, but I am suggesting that you limit your exposure to anxiety-inducing news and events. After all, what do you gain by scrolling through your feed and feeling an ever-building sense of dread? Instead, try the following:

  • Give yourself a social media time limit
  • Prioritize reputable news sources
  • Limit your exposure to emotionally charged podcasts or news shows
  • Log off!

Bonus: If you would truly like to disconnect, perhaps sign up for Vox’s newsletter called “The Logoff.” This daily newsletter delivers one concise news story, followed by an uplifting fact or link to a positive story.

Reach Out

Your community is vital when it comes to building resilience. If you have people in your life whom you can trust, confide in, and lean on when times are tough, you will feel much better equipped to weather any troubles that life throws your way. The National Resilience Strategy, put together by the White House on January 18th, 2025, details ways that communities and social circles play a crucial role in resilience. It calls these relationships “foundational” and “essential,” and says they “benefit all systems and should be valued and supported by all sectors to advance resilience.” In short, community matters.

If you’re feeling bone-tired and anxious lately, it may be a good idea to start building your resilience. Take breaks when needed, step away to re-strategize, and limit your exposure to negative or sensational news and social media. And don’t forget to ask for support along the way. You do not need to build your resilience on your own.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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February 19, 2025 Replacing Worry with Action

Worry is a normal human emotion that certainly has its place. It can help us to be more cautious, learn from mistakes, and plan. However, it can also take over our brains and our reasoning. It can paralyze us with fear, make us feel anxious, or flood us with pessimism. This type of worry isn’t productive. In fact, it’s counterproductive. But once we begin to fret about something, it can sometimes be difficult to stop.

How do we end the tailspin of worry and start moving forward productively? One way is to replace worry with action.

Why Do We Worry?

To start, it is useful to consider why we tend to worry. Worrying is all about anticipation—thinking about potential negative outcomes that might occur in the future. We worry when we sense that something bad is about to happen, or when a situation is spiraling out of control.

And sometimes we have good reason to worry. If we’ve experienced similar situations in the past, for instance, we might assume that the current situation will turn out the same. Or, all signs might point to a negative outcome. Or, we have information that indicates things will go poorly.

On the other hand, some worries come from sources that cannot necessarily be trusted. For example, if people around you are worrying about something (an office project, the housing market, the cost of eggs), that might cause you to also worry, even if their fears are unfounded. Additionally, with so much false information and clickbait flying around social media (and the internet, in general), you might find yourself worrying about things that are blown out of proportion or are downright untrue.

While someof your worries might be reasonable and rooted in facts, that doesn’t mean it pays to worry. If you get too caught up in your fears, you don’t do yourself any favors. Instead of falling down the rabbit hole, it’s better to face your worries and use them productively.

Turning Worry into Action

One of the best ways to combat worries is by converting them into actions. Start by taking the time to analyze what is causing your anxiety. Then consider whether you have any sway over the outcome.

Thinking about the root of your anxieties, ask yourself, “What steps can I take to influence the future?” For example, if you’re worried about how a client will react to a certain work project, how can you modify the project to better align with the client’s expectations? Can you give a better presentation to the client? Or redo part of the project? Could you, perhaps, express your fears to your team and ask for their advice? All of these actions are productive and can potentially have a positive impact.

Sometimes, the things that occupy our minds and cause us to worry are things that seem far beyond our control. In that case, we can acknowledge that we are not entirely in charge of the outcome, but we can do our best to move the needle in a positive direction. For example, if you are worried about the current state of politics and the government, you could put some of your energy into volunteering for political campaigns, human rights organizations, or political nonprofits. Another example: if you’re worried about children’s education in the US, you could volunteer at a school, support after-school programs, mentor a student, or donate to organizations focused on education.

Other actions you could take include talking with others about the issues you care about, blogging about them, donating time or money, or starting local or neighborhood groups. These are all great ways to focus your anxieties into action.

While you may be a small fish in a large pond, you have the power to make a difference, even in your own small sphere of influence. If you find yourself worrying about something nonstop, that may be a sign to pause, think about the root cause of your fears, and consider what small actions you could take to produce a positive outcome. Even if something feels beyond your control, your actions can still make a difference to someone (and that, alone, is huge).

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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January 22, 2025 Why Create a “Comfort List”?

Sometimes we simply need a break. However, even when life gets tough, we do not always step back, breathe, and treat ourselves well. Instead, we do what all those self-help books tell us to do: power through, be “gritty,” adapt a growth mindset, persevere. While it can be useful to keep going at times, sometimes it is necessary to slow down, give yourself grace, and take a break.

Why Take a Break?

Giving ourselves space to breathe is not selfish, and it shouldn’t be a rare luxury. In truth, when we take care of our mental, physical, and emotional health, we empower ourselves to be better and do better. While some believe only long work hours and “the grind” can help you succeed, studies have found that isn’t the case. A team at Harvard Business Review analyzed over 80 studies and found that, “Pausing work throughout the day can improve well-being and also help with getting more work done…taking breaks within work hours not only does not detract from performance, but can help boost it.”

And the benefits go beyond the workplace. When we give ourselves space and time, we are better able to process complex or difficult situations. When we allow ourselves room to think, we can come up with better solutions to overcome personal issues, negative relationship dynamics, and other sticking points. Occasionally taking a meaningful respite can help us to reenergize, regain our patience, and prevent burnout.

Make It Meaningful

One key word in the last sentence is “meaningful.” When we do convince ourselves it’s okay to take a break, we may not know what to do with ourselves. Instead of taking a meaningful break or engaging in an actual form of relaxation, we end up turning on the TV or scrolling through social media. This may be a temporary band-aid, but it can also have the opposite effect. The news might increase our anxiety, and social media might create unrealistic standards for our homes, our relationships, and ourselves. What to do instead?

Consider creating a “comfort list.” This can be a go-to list of items that will help you relax and unwind in a meaningful way. In addition to including your ideas for meaningful breaks/comforts, the list can also be divided into quick, straightforward activities as well as more involved activities. If you need to take a break NOW and don’t have time to engage in anything too elaborate, opt for one of the quicker activities. If you really need some time to unwind, look to the more involved activities.

Some quick, short-term, easy activities for a “comfort list” could include:

  • Reading a chapter in a book
  • Making a cup of tea and doing a crossword puzzle
  • Stretching
  • Going to the movies (by yourself or with someone)
  • Doing a little baking or cooking while listening to a podcast
  • Journaling
  • Meditating
  • Walking outside (by yourself or with a companion)

More involved activities could include:

  • Going to a coffee shop with a book in hand
  • Doing yoga or hitting the gym
  • Taking a cooking class
  • Grabbing a beverage or an appetizer with a close friend
  • Going to the library
  • Heading to a local conservatory
  • Going to a theater production
  • Taking a community education class
  • Volunteering to walk dogs or play with kittens

Even more involved activities could include:

  • Planning a vacation
  • Booking a nearby hotel room for a “staycation” (and hot tub time!)
  • Having a spa day

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed and on the brink of a burnout, take a look at the comfort list you put together. Which activities might help to rejuvenate you? Do you need to do something right now, or do you have the time and patience to engage in one of the more involved activities? We all need breaks, and this type of list can help you find the self-care you need when you don’t feel creative enough to come up with ideas to relax. Just turn to your list and start getting the (much needed) care you require.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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