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Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach

January 22, 2025 Why Create a “Comfort List”?

Sometimes we simply need a break. However, even when life gets tough, we do not always step back, breathe, and treat ourselves well. Instead, we do what all those self-help books tell us to do: power through, be “gritty,” adapt a growth mindset, persevere. While it can be useful to keep going at times, sometimes it is necessary to slow down, give yourself grace, and take a break.

Why Take a Break?

Giving ourselves space to breathe is not selfish, and it shouldn’t be a rare luxury. In truth, when we take care of our mental, physical, and emotional health, we empower ourselves to be better and do better. While some believe only long work hours and “the grind” can help you succeed, studies have found that isn’t the case. A team at Harvard Business Review analyzed over 80 studies and found that, “Pausing work throughout the day can improve well-being and also help with getting more work done…taking breaks within work hours not only does not detract from performance, but can help boost it.”

And the benefits go beyond the workplace. When we give ourselves space and time, we are better able to process complex or difficult situations. When we allow ourselves room to think, we can come up with better solutions to overcome personal issues, negative relationship dynamics, and other sticking points. Occasionally taking a meaningful respite can help us to reenergize, regain our patience, and prevent burnout.

Make It Meaningful

One key word in the last sentence is “meaningful.” When we do convince ourselves it’s okay to take a break, we may not know what to do with ourselves. Instead of taking a meaningful break or engaging in an actual form of relaxation, we end up turning on the TV or scrolling through social media. This may be a temporary band-aid, but it can also have the opposite effect. The news might increase our anxiety, and social media might create unrealistic standards for our homes, our relationships, and ourselves. What to do instead?

Consider creating a “comfort list.” This can be a go-to list of items that will help you relax and unwind in a meaningful way. In addition to including your ideas for meaningful breaks/comforts, the list can also be divided into quick, straightforward activities as well as more involved activities. If you need to take a break NOW and don’t have time to engage in anything too elaborate, opt for one of the quicker activities. If you really need some time to unwind, look to the more involved activities.

Some quick, short-term, easy activities for a “comfort list” could include:

  • Reading a chapter in a book
  • Making a cup of tea and doing a crossword puzzle
  • Stretching
  • Going to the movies (by yourself or with someone)
  • Doing a little baking or cooking while listening to a podcast
  • Journaling
  • Meditating
  • Walking outside (by yourself or with a companion)

More involved activities could include:

  • Going to a coffee shop with a book in hand
  • Doing yoga or hitting the gym
  • Taking a cooking class
  • Grabbing a beverage or an appetizer with a close friend
  • Going to the library
  • Heading to a local conservatory
  • Going to a theater production
  • Taking a community education class
  • Volunteering to walk dogs or play with kittens

Even more involved activities could include:

  • Planning a vacation
  • Booking a nearby hotel room for a “staycation” (and hot tub time!)
  • Having a spa day

The next time you’re feeling overwhelmed and on the brink of a burnout, take a look at the comfort list you put together. Which activities might help to rejuvenate you? Do you need to do something right now, or do you have the time and patience to engage in one of the more involved activities? We all need breaks, and this type of list can help you find the self-care you need when you don’t feel creative enough to come up with ideas to relax. Just turn to your list and start getting the (much needed) care you require.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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January 8, 2025 Making a Fresh Start (Even When You’re Not Feeling So Fresh!)

It’s here: another new year and another (supposedly) clean slate. This is when people make New Year’s resolutions to hit the gym, eat healthier, limit screen time, and finally learn how to bake sourdough bread. But sometimes, those resolutions fall flat. Sometimes, they feel forced rather than genuine. How can you possibly start fresh when you don’t feel fresh?

You might not be feeling “fresh and new” for a variety of reasons. Maybe some of your troubles and projects from last year have carried over into this year. Maybe you’re dealing with ongoing interpersonal issues, tough family dynamics, or personal health struggles. Whatever the case, it can be difficult to adopt a positive attitude and step into the brand-new year with untarnished hope and energy.

If this sounds like you, I have a few thoughts about how to move past this sticking point—how to make the new year at least feel fresh, even when life is dragging you down. Let’s talk about a few logical steps you can take:

Acknowledge Obstacles Honestly

It is essential to give life’s obstacles and troubles some thought if you want to move beyond them. I suggest setting aside some time to honestly reflect on what is holding you back this year. Is a certain work project keeping you up at night? Are relationships between yourself and a family member or friend tense right now? Are you troubled by national or global issues? Once you recognize what is truly keeping you from starting fresh, you can begin to figure out ways to either overcome these setbacks OR learn to work with them.

Think Big-Picture…

Once you have a good grasp of what is holding you back, it’s a good idea to take a step back and think about the bigger picture. How important is it to overcome the obstacle? Can you overcome it? Or do you need to learn how to carry on, despite some discomfort or anxiety (in which case, it may be wise to chat with a mental health professional)? When looking at the big picture, you can begin to prioritize tackling the most pressing issues and creating strategies for dealing with them.

…But Start Small

Sometimes it can seem completely daunting to deal with a big issue that is holding you back. If that’s how you’re feeling about a certain obstacle, I encourage you to start small. Think about five bite-sized actions you can take to move the needle in a positive direction. These actions could include:

  • Sending an email you’ve been putting off
  • Placing a phone call to a co-worker, friend, or family member
  • Scheduling a meeting
  • Engaging in a half-hour planning or brainstorming session
  • Organizing and prioritizing a stack of papers
  • Adding information to a spreadsheet

What tiny actions could you add to this week’s to-do list?

Seek Support

If you’re feeling less than your best, don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones, a therapist, or other trusted resources for support. Sharing your struggles and aspirations with others can provide valuable perspectives and help you feel less alone as you figure out how to move forward. Far too often, we believe we can (and should) shoulder all of life’s difficulties by ourselves, but that can lead to burnout, frustration, exhaustion, or resentment. I urge you to ask for help if and when you need it.

Though you may not be feeling “daisy fresh” at the start of the new year, it is possible to move forward in a positive and productive manner. Try some of these strategies and do your best to cultivate a positive mindset by practicing gratitude and focusing on the things you can control. Remember: you are not perfect, and no slate is ever truly clean. We can only do our best and use the tools at our disposal.

Here’s to the best new year you can manage, even if it’s not perfect!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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December 18, 2024 When a Change is on the Horizon

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For the past couple of years, I have been toying with the idea of retirement. However, whenever I think my plan is in place and I’m ready to begin heading toward the “off ramp,” I gain a new client or speaking gig, or an exciting new opportunity lands in my inbox. So, I delay a while longer. However, a part of me is realistic about the inevitable path ahead, so I’m taking actions that will help me when this moment of transition comes: I’m observing, listening, and learning from others.

Technically, I retired once already when I left my leadership role at 3M. That time was different, though, because I was still fairly young and had some vague plans for starting a second career—the coaching business that became UXL. This time feels more final.

So, what have I learned from observing and listening to those who have made a leap into retirement? These are a few of my takeaways:

Reframe Your Identity

For many of us, our identity is closely tied to our work. When you meet someone new, it’s common to ask, “What do you do?” Once you retire, that question can seem daunting or even embarrassing. No one wants to say, “Well, I used to be…” You can, however, take ownership of your identity and reframe it. For example, instead of saying “I’m retired,” you could say, “I volunteer at the local animal shelter and am spearheading a project focused on children’s literacy.” This allows you to focus on the activities and interests that are important to you, rather than defining yourself by what you used to do. Embracing a new identity can help you feel more purposeful and engaged in this next chapter of your life.

Find Your Community

When you step away from a workplace, you end up losing an entire group of people that you regularly see. This may leave a gap in your social life, and you might feel like you’re missing something, especially if you regularly interacted with your work team or colleagues. Building a community outside of the office is essential. These could be friends, a book club, a community volunteer group, a church committee, or any type of organization that allows you to connect with others. Finding ways to build new relationships and stay socially engaged can help ease the transition into retirement.

Maintain a Routine

Many retirees find that maintaining a routine is crucial for their well-being. Without the structure of a traditional workday, it’s easy to feel adrift. Establishing a daily or weekly schedule can provide a sense of purpose and help you stay productive. This could include exercising, pursuing hobbies, volunteering, or even scheduling regular social activities. Maintaining a routine can help you feel grounded and prevent boredom or a sense of aimlessness. Additionally, I’ve learned that it’s important to leave room for spontaneity and flexibility, so you don’t feel overly constrained.

Stay Active and Engaged

Keeping your mind and body active is crucial. Retirement is an opportunity to explore new interests and expand your knowledge. Consider taking classes, attending lectures, or pursuing hobbies you’ve always wanted to try. It’s also a good idea to stay in motion, which might mean pursuing an active hobby like hiking, cycling, or swimming. Staying engaged can help prevent boredom, provide opportunities to learn something new, and help you stay active and physically fit.

Embrace Flexibility and Adaptability

As you navigate retirement, be open to embracing change and adapting to new circumstances. Your plans and expectations may evolve over time, and it’s important to remain flexible. Be willing to try new things, explore new possibilities, and adjust your routines as needed. Retirement is a journey, and being adaptable will help you make the most of this new chapter.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, so be patient with yourself as you navigate this transition. With an open mindset and a willingness to try new things, you can create a fulfilling and meaningful retirement that aligns with your values and interests.

These are just a few of my observations and learnings from people who are thriving in retirement. To me, it is mainly important to maintain an open mindset, have patience, and allow your retirement years to take whatever shape they will. Retirement is not a singular destination, but a dynamic journey that evolves over time. Someday in the not-so-distant future, I will embark on this journey too…but not quite yet.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE. 

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