Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach
January 27, 2021 Self-Improvement Goal: Practice Self-Kindness

I’m willing to bet you are kind to others—perhaps even people you don’t know. But are you consistently kind to yourself?
This is the question we’ll be exploring this week as we continue our “Self-Improvement Goals” series. Being kind to yourself is always important, but it is even more crucial when you’re going through a difficult time (such as the whole of 2020!). If you don’t love, forgive, and take care of yourself, you’ll be in no condition to help others, perform at your peak, or have the energy to deal with life’s stressors. It’s important to rest when you need it and don’t dwell on your shortcomings or mistakes. It’s important to be gentle with yourself.
Here are three areas where most of us could use a little self-improvement:
1. Forgive Yourself
I’m guessing you have a lot of practice forgiving others. You probably excuse others’ mistakes all time—that co-worker who missed a deadline or forgot a meeting, that child who broke your tea mug, that friend who splashed coffee on your pants. If you’re on a Zoom meeting and someone apologizes for their messy house, you likely wouldn’t chastise them. You would laugh and tell them you understand.
Do you have this much understanding when it comes to your own shortcomings?
It’s time to remember that you are human—you’re imperfect and you make mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up over your errors, try to reframe your thinking. Move from an “I’m so terrible” mindset to a “How can I fix this?” mindset. Focusing on solutions can help shift your thoughts from your mistake to a more action-driven frame of mind. And if you can’t fix something? Do your best to move on and pledge to do better next time. There is always tomorrow to try, try again.
2. Rest
Even the most powerful CEOs, athletes, and politicians need to rest. And so do you. Give yourself permission to simply step away from work from time to time and take a few moments for yourself. Take a nap, read a book, work on a crossword puzzle—whatever you need to do to rest and rejuvenate.
Sometimes, it’s a good idea to take an extended break. If you’ve been pushing yourself to the limit for too long, you’ll eventually give out. Before that happens, make a concerted effort to schedule a long break in your busy calendar. You might choose to take a four-day weekend or a couple of weeks off—whatever you can plausibly take. If taking more than a day off of work causes a fuss, you might want to seriously consider a job change (consult a career coach first, of course!).
One last note about rest: Be sure to get enough sleep! Study after study has shown that getting an adequate amount of sleep each night is crucial if you want to stay healthy and high-functioning. Start winding down your night early and get to bed!
3. Focus on Health
Your health is important. I know it’s tempting to eat junk food and sit around after a long, hard day of work, but do your best to resist! Your health is worth it. Instead, prioritize exercise, healthy eating, and stress-reducing activities. Today, there are many ways to get a nutritious meal on your plate—cook it from scratch, use a healthy-eating subscription box, or cook meals in advance and freeze them. You can download any number of apps to track your eating habits and help you course correct, if necessary.
The same is true for exercise. With Fitbits and apps, it’s easy to track how much you move around in a given day. If you’d rather track your fitness the “old fashioned way,” write out an exercise calendar and stick to it! Moving your body is crucial for your health, and it will affect every aspect of your life, from your work to your family.
Lastly, make a conscious effort to reduce stress. Excess stress can lead to health issues and can affect your night’s sleep. Try soaking in a bath, taking a quiet walk, or reading—anything that will lower your heartrate, loosen those tight muscles, and help put your mind at ease.
If you’re like many people I know, you tend to put others first. That’s an admirable trait, but you also need to pay attention to yourself. After all, if you’re not feeling both physically and mentally healthy, how can you help others?
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: be gentle with yourself, be kind to self, goal to be kind to self, love yourself, Margaret Smith licensed Insights practitioner, Margaret Smith life coach, self-kindness
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January 6, 2021 5 Self-Improvement Steps for the New Year
This past year, it’s been difficult to feel in control of anything. Work situations have changed, family dynamics have been altered, and our basic lifestyles have had to adjust. We’ve had to rethink even our most basic activities, such as going to the grocery store or sending our kids off to school. With so much out of our control, let’s take a moment to focus on what is within our control…namely, YOU.
No matter what the year ahead will bring, we can always focus on self-improvement. This way of thinking is not selfish—it’s essential. If we do our best to be our best, everything around us tends to improve: relationships, workplace interactions, productivity. Thus, self-improvement can (and often does) actually lead to vast improvements in our external world.
Where can you focus your attention?
Here are five different ideas. Over the next five weeks, I’ll be covering each area in greater depth. For now, a summary:
1. Improve Self-Awareness
You may think you know yourself fairly well, but we all have blind spots. Digging deep into your strengths, communication preferences, modes for interacting with others, areas where you’re struggling, etc. can help you become more confident, productive, and efficient. Not only that, improving your self-awareness can also help you better tune in to the needs and preferences of others.
Begin your self-awareness journey by taking a recommended assessment test (my favorites are Insights Discovery® and Insights Deeper Discovery®), talking with a career coach, reading books that discuss self-awareness, or simply making a concerted effort to pay attention to your thoughts and actions, and the motives behind them.
2. Own Who You Are
As our work patterns and lives have changed, other sides of ourselves may have emerged. Perhaps you’ve surprised yourself with how you’ve adapted to this year’s many changes . Maybe you’ve found that you enjoy working at home or, on the flip side, maybe you’ve realized that you enjoy the company of co-workers more than you realized!
Regardless of how much you have or have not changed over the past year, one thing is certain: You are multi-faceted, and it’s a good idea to learn to embrace all sides of yourself. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to improve in certain areas (there’s always room for improvement). What it does mean is that you shouldn’t shy away from your true self—the person at the core of your being.
3. Practice Self-Kindness
You likely have a lot of practice in forgiving others for their mistakes. If someone is late for a Zoom meeting or has to bow out of a commitment, we tend to forgive them and move on. If a friend is struggling to keep their house clean because they simply have too much on their plate, we laugh and say, “That’s okay! I understand.”
Are you as forgiving with yourself? Or do you beat yourself up over the little things? It’s time to be kind to yourself. Forgive your small mistakes, take breaks when you need them, and don’t worry about falling short of perfection.
4. Get Flexible
No, I’m not talking about stretching and doing more yoga (though, that couldn’t hurt!). This year, we’ve all had to stretch outside our comfort zones, and I see no sign of that stopping. Workplaces will continue to adapt, relationships will evolve, and technology will constantly change. Are you ready?
The more willing you are to be adaptable and roll with the punches, the better off you’ll be. No one can predict what’s next, but one thing is certain: Change is inevitable. To get yourself comfortable with change, practice putting yourself in new, uncertain situations. Challenge yourself and make a concerted effort to grow. This might entail signing up for an online class, attending a virtual webinar with a group of strangers, or taking on a project that will have to stretch your skillset.
5. Improve Communication
One of the great lessons of this past year is that communication is essential. For many of us, we’ve had to greatly alter the way we interact with others. Instead of popping into a nearby cubicle and asking a question, we have to set up meetings or write emails. Instead of dropping by a friend or neighbor’s house, we’ve had to be intentional with our get-togethers and respectful of boundaries.
But how much have you actually thought about the ways and methods of your communication? Are your communication systems working like a charm? Or, could they be improved?
It’s possible all those video chats aren’t necessary. It’s also possible (probable, really) that some people will prefer one style of communication, while others will prefer an entirely different style. It helps to pay attention. When is communication flowing smoothly and the conversation is bearing fruit? And when does it feel forced and counter-productive? It could be time to rethink the frequency and modes of communication between yourself and others.
Let’s start the new year off right. Take the time to focus on improving yourself, your interactions with others, and your adaptability. Even small changes can make an enormous difference.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith Twin Cities, new year resolutions 2021, new years resolution, New Years Self-Improvement, self-improvement steps
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December 23, 2020 Finding Comfort This Holiday Season

For many people, this may be one of the strangest holiday seasons yet. Some families may be having a socially-distanced holiday or have decided to quarantine for a couple weeks before meeting. Some have even decided not to meet at all. And even for those who have chosen to gather together for the holidays, things feel…strange.
This is a tense time in our nation, for many reasons. Worry and fear abound in areas of politics, health, and finances. There’s a sense of division and unease among Americans, even among family members. How can we possibly get past all these negative feelings and try to have a somewhat normal, even comforting holiday?
Try a few of the following:
Practice Good Self-Care
If you’re feeling tense, sad, or frustrated, don’t forget to take a step back and take care of yourself. This isn’t avoidance–it is simply allowing yourself space to gain some perspective. When your nerves are frayed, you’re not going to make good decisions and your stress may end up being destructive (to both you and those around you).
Take a long walk, read a book, soak in a hot bath, sleep in–find those quiet moments where you can step away and clear your head. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Connect Over Food
There are few things that can mend rifts and ease tension than comfort food. This season, make your favorite dishes and share them with others. Even if you’re not meeting in person, you can still share your cooking by dropping off a “just heat it up” dish.
Keep in Touch
There are probably people in your life whom you will not have a chance to see this holiday season. If that’s the case, make an extra effort to reach out. Write them a letter (or several!), send a customized picture postcard, give them a call, or send some flowers. Your efforts will make a difference (and these kind gestures have a way of coming back to you).
Find Commonalities
I have found that even if I am VERY different from the person sitting across the table, I can always find common ground or common interests. If you are spending time with family AND you happen to disagree with them on fundamental issues, that’s okay. Take a deep breath, put on a brave face, and make the best of the situation. Make an effort to find the things that bind you together, rather than tear you apart.
This doesn’t mean you should ignore your values (if someone is belittling or tearing down something that is truly important to you, by all means, speak up!). What it DOES mean is that you can make an effort to build a bridge, if the other person is willing. Find common interests (your kids, baking shows, hiking, etc.) and attempt to see the human side of one another.
Be Kind
Tis the season to be kind. Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk, donate to local food banks, buy your co-workers thoughtful gifts, smile and say thank you to the over-worked cashier at the checkout. Your small acts of kindness will go a long way toward making the season brighter.
Happy holidays! Wishing you much hope, peace, and comfort this holiday season.
MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE.
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.
Tags: COVID Christmas, find comfort Christmas, find comfort holiday season, find happiness holidays, happy holidays, Margaret Smith life coach, Margaret Smith professional speaker
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