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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach

April 20, 2022 Courage To Go Against the Grain

I just released my new eBook: A Quick Guide to Courage. Let’s continue our discussion of aspects of courage…

It’s easy to fall in line and do/say/think what everyone else is doing/saying/thinking. If you’re like most people, you don’t want to rock the boat; you simply want to get through the work day, complete your daily tasks, and stay employed! While there’s nothing wrong with those goals, “falling into line” could become problematic if you disagree with something or encounter a situation that goes against your values, ethics, or perspective.

In these tricky situations, staying silent is the path of least resistance, BUT it is not always the best route. Why dare to speak up and go against the grain?

  • To uphold your personal code of ethics
  • To encourage others who are feeling the same way to also speak out
  • To share your perspective
  • To spark a dialogue
  • To encourage candid communication and cooperation

Speaking up can be a good thing, but it can backfire if done incorrectly. If you are not tactful, or if you speak out of turn, you might be instantly shutdown and silenced. Instead, approach a situation with respect, calm, and thoughtful language.

Here are a few tips:

  • If you need to speak up during a meeting or group gathering, either wait for a lull in the conversation or interject respectfully.
  • Begin by clarifying what you think you heard. For instance: “I believe you said XYZ, is that correct?”
  • Give your perspective using “I statements” and logic. For instance: “Let me explain why I am troubled by XYZ. From my perspective…”
  • Offer alternatives. If you have a different course of action in mind, state it as clearly as you can.
  • Invite conversation. For instance: “Clearly, this is my take on the matter. If I am missing or misunderstanding something, I welcome any clarification.”

If you have time to step away from the situation and think about your counterarguments, that’s great! Prepare your talking points, anticipate questions, and present your case (either in a one-on-one meeting or to your group). The same basic guidelines apply—asking clarifying questions, being respectful, using logic, inviting dialogue—but you also have the luxury of gathering evidence (if applicable) and drawing up a more comprehensive counterargument.

It is often uncomfortable to go against the grain, but it is often worth it. If you present yourself and your case with tact and reason, people will likely listen to and consider what you have to say. Tap into your reserves of courage, prepare as best you can, and remember that YOU and your perspectives are worthwhile (see the affirmations in last week’s blog post). Positive workplace environments are often built by the courage of individuals.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

Her new eBook is called A Quick Guide to Courage
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.

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April 13, 2022 The Courage to Ask for What You Want

With the release of my new eBook (A Quick Guide to Courage), I’m writing a series of blog posts about courage this month. Enjoy!

Not long ago, I met with a coaching client who was pretty sure she was going to lose her job. Her company had been losing business lately, and they were beginning to lay people off at all levels of the organization. She was fairly high up on the company’s org chart, but she knew cuts were being made in her department. So, she began preparing for the worst.

As part of her preparations, we talked about leveraging her severance package. Leaving a company can feel awkward, and many people are tempted to scoot out the door as quickly as possible!

However, it is actually the perfect time to be bold in your negotiations.

After all, what do you have to lose?

My coaching client and I talked about five things she could ask for in her severance package, including funds for outplacement coaching, healthcare benefits for several months, and a payout for her accumulated paid time off (PTO). We roleplayed the scenario, and my client was able to practice her asks.

Even though this is an intimidating and uncomfortable situation for many people, preparation and practice can help boost your confidence and give you that extra shot of courage you might need. To me, preparation is one of the most important aspects of the 5 P’s of Courage, since it can help you anticipate possible scenarios and consider ways to deal with them.

Another way to boost your confidence in a nerve-wracking situation such as this one is to come up with a positive, affirming mantra and repeat it to yourself whenever you’re feeling timid or unsure of yourself.

This mantra should be short and empowering, such as:

  • I am worthy and deserve respect.
  • My ideas are important and my thoughts are valuable.
  • I deserve a place at the table.
  • I am strong, confident, and my voice will be heard.

You could also ask yourself: “What’s the worst that could happen?” I address this question in a recent blog post (read more about it HERE), and encourage people to use their imaginations to picture both the worst-case and best-case scenarios. Then, think about the scenario that is most likely, which will probably land somewhere in the middle of worst-case and best-case.

Not long after I worked with my client on her severance package asks, another person approached me with a similar situation…except she had already been presented with a severance package and had not negotiated the terms. She had been too shocked and unprepared to do so. This upset her, because she knew she deserved a better package than what her company had offered.

I asked her, “Why don’t you call up the leadership team and ask to renegotiate?”

“I couldn’t,” she said. “What’s done is done.”

“Maybe so, but maybe not,” I said. “What’s the worst that could happen if you picked up the phone and simply asked?”

Reluctantly, she agreed that nothing catastrophic would happen by asking for what she wanted. After going over the items she wanted to add to the severance package, she made her phone call. And, guess what? Her company agreed to her requests!

Through preparation and reframing the situation (What’s the worst that could happen?), she had the courage to ask for what she wanted. And you can do the same.

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 

Her new eBook is called A Quick Guide to Courage
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.

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April 6, 2022 A Month of Courage (plus, my new eBook!)

Do you have days when you’re feeling timid or unworthy? Are there times when you’re afraid to participate in a certain meeting or take a certain action? Do you occasionally feel like you’re the only one in the room that doesn’t “get it,” while everyone else is coasting along with ease?

Believe me, you are worthy, your input is valuable, and you deserve to be in the room alongside everyone else. The problem isn’t you, it’s your courage.

Courage comes in many forms. It takes guts to ask for a raise or negotiate a severance package. It takes self-assuredness to lead a team project, give a major presentation, or engage in a difficult conversation. Courage can mean many different things, and has largely to do with mindset (yes, it is possible to train yourself to take on this mindset!)

Many of us suffer from self-consciousness or a lack of courage. We’re our own harshest critics. Whenever I deliver a presentation or workshop on my book, The Ten-Minute Leadership Challenge, I usually ask about the leadership attributes the people in the room would like to work on. One of the most common areas of improvement is courage.

Because of this widespread desire to become more courageous, I decided to compile the decades of information and techniques I’ve acquired into an eBook: A Quick Guide to Courage. This eBook is an easy read—46 pages filled with illustrations and activities—but it’s packed with information. It also includes links to others resources, such as my video on the 5 Ps of Courage.

To celebrate the launch of this book, I’m declaring April “Courage Month!” This month, all my blog posts will be dedicated to an aspect of courage. I’m also offering my book at a special discounted price.

Let’s celebrate courage this month, and carry that courage with us into the year ahead!

MARGARET SMITH IS A CAREER COACH, AUTHOR, INSIGHTS® DISCOVERY (AND DEEPER DISCOVERY) LICENSED PRACTITIONER, AND FOUNDER OF UXL. SHE HOSTS WORKSHOPS FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED CAREER OR PERSONAL GUIDANCE. 
CHECK OUT MARGARET’S ONLINE LEADERSHIP COURSE.

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