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“Creating Successful Leaders”

Category Archives: Advice from a Life Coach

September 11, 2013 The Best Learners Keep Their Minds Open

Image via Maurice Kerrigan

With school back in session, you’ve probably seen kids with backpacks and lunchboxes waiting for the bus, or noticed the huge “back to school” section at your local Target, or maybe you’ve been one of those brave souls frantically rushing your kids out the door each morning. Whatever it may be, it’s likely September has reminded you of your own time in school, be it grade school, high school, or college, wherein your sole job was to learn.

It’s easy to slip into the mindset that that was then, this is now. We had school for learning, now it’s time for applying that knowledge in the real world. While this is true, adhering too strongly to such thinking can actually hinder your ability to excel. Because the world is continuously changing, we must embrace a mentality of continuous learning, and the way we pull that off is by keeping an open mind.

I know, “keeping an open mind” is about as cliché as it gets. It’s a phrase that can mean a whole heap of things and rarely gets questioned. So what do I mean when I say we must keep an open mind?

1. Put flexibility into practice. Be willing to change plans on the fly. Try out other people’s ideas. Don’t assume you know the answer right away.

2. Self-assessment is key. Are listening to others? Have you applied what you’ve most recently learned in any meaningful way?

3. There is no perfect way to do things. Strategies and methods need to be adapted to each new situation. The best learners use their environments to come up with a concoction of many different methods, tailored to the situation at hand.

4. Change is the only constant. And this is okay. Too often we wage a losing battle trying to control everything around us. You don’t need to fight that battle.

Don’t get entrenched in a one size fits all approach. You’ll only become frustrated. Be willing to listen, experiment and place yourself in the firing line of new experiences.

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September 4, 2013 “Am I An Impostor”? Overcoming Self-Doubt

It happens to even the most accomplished among us: That nagging feeling that it’s only a matter of time before we’re found out to be frauds. Thoughts like “I don’t actually know what I’m doing here,” or, “I’ve done well…so far…but eventually they’ll realize they made a big mistake hiring me,” are token examples of someone experiencing this phenomenon. Which begs the question: Where does this intense self-doubt come from?

Known as the Impostor Phenomenon (IP), it is more prevalent than you might expect. (You can view a small test see if you have the IP traits here.) In her new book, The Empress Has No Clothes: Conquering Self-Doubt to Embrace Success, Joyce M. Roche, president of Girls Incorporated, both reveals why many of us have such thoughts, and lays out practical ways to combat them.

Roche writes that conquering self-doubt lies in “learning how to metabolize external validation to turn it into the core strength of internal validation.” In other words, instead of letting your negative thoughts define who you think you are, focus on concrete successes you can point to in your life and let those fuel your sense of self-worth.

A few more points on overcoming self-doubt:

1. Identify the specific parts of your life that make you feel like you’re an impostor, and talk to someone you trust about those specific things. The simple act of verbalizing your fears shines light on the faulty thinking you used to create them.

2. Focus on the external factors of your present circumstance instead of your internal thoughts. You’ll see your track record for what it really us: there will be both successes and failures, sure, but be sure to give yourself credit where credit is due.

3. Wear your failures and setbacks as badges, not blemishes to cover up. As cliché as it is, our failures really are what propel us forward by showing us exactly what not to do, and failures are usually closely followed by successes.

Reference

Roche, Joyce M., and Alexander Kopelman. The Empress Has No Clothes: Conquering Self-Doubt to Embrace Success. San Francisco: Barrett-Koelher, 2013.

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August 28, 2013 Learning Agility: Diving In Even When You’re Scared

When learning something new, we instinctively keep it close and secret until we feel confident that we’ve got it down pat. Usually this is because we feel embarrassed by our clumsiness with new skills. However, we can’t learn until we apply our skills, which means a bit of screwing up. You’ll find that even though screwing up might be hard on your ego, it’ll increase the rate at which you learn and respond in unique situations.

This is because of a special nerve in our bodies, called the vagus nerve. As Christopher Bergland explains in this article on Psychology Today, “When people say ‘trust your gut’ they are in many ways saying, ‘trust your vagus nerve.’ Visceral feelings and gut-instincts are literally emotional intuitions transferred up to your brain via the vagus nerve.”

Bergland goes on to say that we can teach ourselves to respond positively to the “gut-feeling” we get from the vagus nerve by being in tune with the loop between our bodies and minds and using this awareness to our advantage. Instead of choking under pressure, which comes from a negative response from the vagus nerve, we can control its signals and stay calm under stress.

Now, I’m not saying that you should go out and look for the most stressful situation you can find and purposely make your learning experience as intense as possible. Many people thrive under pressure, while others do much better using more gradual methods, and I understand that. I do want to encourage you to push the limits you think you have when you’re taking on something new, because:

1. Most of us underestimate ourselves.

2. Most of us overestimate the thing we’re learning.

3. You won’t really know how true either of the above are until you go out and see for yourself.

Examples of diving in:

-Giving a presentation using material you’re new to. Of course, don’t do this at your next big, job-on-the-line presentation, but do try out new materials, approaches and styles when you have a less career-defining presentation.

-Teaching yourself a skill that is outside your normal set of skills. If you’re a numbers wiz, try out some of the good literature. If you’re an extravert, try meditation. If you’re shy, try the above suggestion!

-Wearing your mistakes as badges, knowing that each falter invariably pushes you closer to mastery.

How do you deal with handling pressure? How does it impact your ability to learn?

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